‘The pain remains’: Rabbi who lost daughter, and son in battle, speaks of grief and faith

Rabbi David Ben Pinchas, head of the beit midrash at the Bat Yam Yeshiva, has endured two devastating losses. His daughter Efrat was killed in a car accident just five months after her wedding. Years later, his son Avraham, a tank officer , fell in battle in Rafah. In a personal conversation on the Arutz Sheva podcast, Rabbi Ben Pinchas discusses the grief that never fades, the faith that sustains his family and the heroism of his son, who dedicated his life to Torah study and military service. “If you are alone, you will not hold up," he says. “Only when you feel that all of Israel is with you, and of course that the Almighty is with you, can you begin to open your eyes." The rabbi says the biblical verse “ You are children of the Lord your God " takes on special meaning after tragedy. “The most natural feeling when disaster strikes is that you are no longer a child, that the Almighty has forgotten you. Yet it is precisely at such a moment that the Torah commands a person to feel that he is a child of God." Faith, he stresses, does not eliminate pain. “You think that after a year or two you will finally be able to lift your head, but that is not how it works. Suddenly, something takes you back to the events and the moments." The loss, he says, never becomes simply a thing of the past. “We will always carry it with us, always remember, and it will always be difficult. But that has absolutely nothing to do with the question of faith." A commander who cared for his soldiers Avraham served as a tank officer in Battalion 46 after spending years studying at Yeshivat Ro'eh Yisrael. His father says his son saw no contradiction between religious study and military service. “Serving God in the army and serving God in the yeshiva were two aspects of the same thing," he says. The family chose to inscribe on Avraham’s gravestone that he served God “through Torah and through war." Avraham combined fierce determination with deep concern for his soldiers, his father says. When his close friend, Itai Fogel, was killed in combat, Avraham had to comfort and lead the platoon while coping with his own grief. “His best friend had been killed, and he had to hold everything together," the rabbi recalls. Several months before his death, Avraham was seriously wounded when an anti-tank missile struck his tank. A fragment penetrated his head but miraculously did not reach his brain. After surgery, he was determined to return to combat. Only after his death did his family learn that he had continued suffering from headaches without telling them. On another occasion, Avraham risked his life to save a wounded soldier during a Hamas ambush. He jumped from his tank carrying two tourniquets, reached the soldier and helped save his life. He later used the incident to reassure his troops that they had responded correctly under pressure. His leadership extended beyond the battlefield. Avraham adopted a rule of telling at least one soldier each week that the soldier had been right about something, encouraging his troops to speak up and challenge mistakes. His father says he has adopted the same principle in his own educational work. The final message before Shabbat The news of Avraham’s death arrived on Shabbat. The previous day, he had told his family he was heading out on an offensive operation and would call after Shabbat. It was his last message. When military representatives arrived at the family’s home in Haresha on Shabbat afternoon, Rabbi Ben Pinchas and his wife asked them to return after Shabbat. They continued observing Shabbat with their children, who did not yet know what had happened. The family has since published booklets of Avraham’s Torah teachings and memories and dedicated a Torah scroll in his honor. “Our main effort to preserve his memory is through education - preserving the spirit, the character traits and the personality we need to build," his father says. A life shaped by loss and devotion The family’s earlier tragedy also shaped Avraham. His sister Efrat was killed near Yitzhar just five months after her wedding. Avraham, who was only a year and a half younger, had been very close to her. During officers’ training, he wrote that losing his sister and growing up amid struggles over the community of Haresha had taught him about death, hardship and self-sacrifice. His family was among Haresha’s first residents, and Avraham grew up amid legal and public battles over the community’s future. His father believes those experiences, combined with years of Torah study, shaped his son’s commitment to the Jewish people and the Land of Israel. Rabbi Ben Pinchas, who has spent more than two decades in Torah education at Bat Yam Yeshiva, continues to draw on the teachings of his mentor, Rabbi David Chai Hacohen, which emphasize the inseparable connection between Torah, the people of Israel and the Land of Israel. “There is one great Torah," he says. “The Land of Israel, the people of Israel and the Torah of God - everything comes together as one." Despite losing both children, the rabbi says he continues to live with his grief while maintaining his faith and educational work. “When we speak with strength, it does not mean the pain has disappeared," he says. “Strength exists in one place, while the pain and the struggle continue every day."