GB News is allowed to promote Reform – so I’m setting up Woke TV

Become an Independent member to bookmark this article Want to bookmark your favourite articles and stories to read or reference later? Start your Independent Membership today. Join today Already a member? Log in A nd after Michael Grade there arose Sir Ian Cheshire, who reigned in his stead. And, lo, the new Ofcom chair was quizzed by MPs this week ... and said something very peculiar. The former Kingfisher boss was being asked why television watchdog Ofcom was about as effective as a chocolate teapot when it came to regulating the dominant Reform TV operation, GB News . A propos nothing in particular, Sir Ian suddenly burst out with this: “I would encourage [former ITN editor] Stewart [Purvis] and Alan [me] and others to set up the left-wing version of GB News.” Where to begin? The remark seems to concede that GB News is, indeed, a right-wing channel. Who knew? I guess that’s why they pay Sir Ian the big bucks. You may have thought that Ofcom’s job is to ensure due impartiality – ie to make sure that, as the law dictates, you can’t actually have a right-wing broadcaster. But it appears that Sir Ian hasn’t got the stomach for that fight. So, instead, why not create a leftie channel to balance it? A nod’s as good as a wink. Sir Ian seems to be suggesting that he’d be totally cool if Purvis and I were to launch a rabidly left-wing channel to mirror the nightly Reform propaganda that spews out of GB News. The more I think about it, the more I think he’s onto something. Recommended AI is the biggest threat to truth we’ve faced – but there is a solution Farage is desperate to follow Trump’s lead on controlling the news Farage and the £130m even his detractors have missed The climate crisis is upon us – so why are deniers still getting airtime? I think we will call it GB Woke – Triggering Britain 24/7. In the Farage slot we will have a nightly edition of Zack Attack in which the Green Party leader will explain how to save the planet, abolish billionaires, bin Israel and ban the Daily Mail . His weekend show, Zack to the Future , will be dubbed Just Stop Everything! and will be an hour of climate emergency and direct action. He will alternate with How Dare You?, a punchy half-hour of civil disobedience training with Greta Thunberg. The Corbyn Hour will be dedicated to The News They Don’t Want You to Hear and will be a spirited, movement-driven rejoinder to Jacob Rees-Mogg. Jeremy and his guests will discuss economic justice and anti-austerity, along with peace and anti-imperialism. But in a fun way. In place of Lee Anderson, we are planning The Lynch Mob , an hour of class warfare hosted by the former RMT general secretary. Each week Mick will visit a different industrial dispute in a slot we’ll call Mick Takes the Picket. His show will be a relentless expose of bosses, fat cats, bond markets and capitalism in general. You’ll love it. For the morning show, the Daily Awakening , we’re lining up Owen Jones and Grace Blakeley for a three-hour helping of class consciousness and outrage to get you frothing over your oat-milk cappuccino. open image in gallery Nigel Farage with Jacob Rees-Mogg on GB News ( PA ) In place of Michelle Dewberry, we’re thinking of Ashes to Ashes , in which Ash Sarkar will explore institutional racism and whether free speech is just a right-wing excuse. Expect a lively hour discussing reparations and whether diversity initiatives have changed anything fundamental about who holds power. A regular feature will be Check Your Privilege, in which a celebrity or politician is confronted with their advantages. On the right sort of lines, Sir Ian? Aaron Bastani will be our equivalent of Camilla Tominey. Think T omorrow’s World meets The Communist Manifesto . Should we abolish the working week? Should we nationalise Amazon? Can we seize the means of production? We’ll steal the title of his book for the show: Fully Automated Luxury Communism . Not to be missed. Diane Abbott will mirror the famously-combative Nana Akua with a show provisionally titled No Apologies . James O’Brien will front the Daily Meltdown . Nish Kumar will host The Real Britain – what the culture warriors won’t tell you. Forget Michael Portillo, we’ll have Ken Loach offering a railway tour of austerity Britain. They have Martin Daubney. We’ll have an hour of Billy Bragg with Which Side Are You On? – an hour of protest singalong. Angela Unleashed promises no nonsense; no posh boys; no surrender. Vorderman’s Verdict will be Countdown meets Panorama . She’s done the numbers. And they don’t add up. They have Neil Oliver, we’ll have Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters – an hour of suspicions and speculation. John McDonnell will regularly remind us that there’s plenty of money around: it’s just in the wrong hands. The weather will, of course, be fronted by Chris Packham : “Good morning. Temperatures are five degrees above average, the polar ice caps are melting, and there’s a 90 per cent chance that your grandchildren will never see a puffin. Back to Owen in the studio.” Now, of course, Sir Ian will want a veneer of balance. As with GB News, we will recruit a roster of obscure backbenchers and West Midlands district councillors to put opposing arguments. The Gammon Line will allow viewers to phone in and explain why everything was better in 1973. The Token Tory will be our answer to Lee Anderson’s “Left in the corner” feature. Our mantra will be: “We give both sides a fair hearing. Even the wrong one.” Recommended I fear Britain’s politics are about to turn as ugly as Europe’s Racists in Reform? They’re not a bug, they’re a feature Andy Burnham has found a new way to silence ‘Machine Gun Kemi’ I hope this is roughly what Sir Ian had in mind. He will, of course, be inundated with complaints that all this is grotesquely biased. But he can blah on about freedom of speech. He can use the line that Ofcom’s not there to police channels, just individual programmes. And he can argue that, anyway, GB News is there to balance things out. It’s a genius solution and shows how Sir Ian rose invisibly to the top. To think that Labour came close to appointing the fearsome Dame Margaret Hodge to the role! She’d have waded in with hob-nailed boots, when what was really needed was a pair of velvet slippers.