Kemi Badenoch’s Tories are all smiles, and spoiling for a fight

The Birmingham Symphony Hall filled with the sound of Nimrod from the Enigma Variations . The lights dimmed and then, above the stirring string crescendo, they played the muffled audio track of that Labour MP saying that stupid thing about warm ale and pubs and black labradors being a far-right conspiracy. The big screens faded to black and then there on the screen appeared a still photograph of the Conservative party chairman Kevin Hollinrake sitting in a pub, drinking a warm ale, with his arm around a black labrador. Most commented 1 Niqabs and burqas harm society, says Tory shadow minister Politics 662 comments Down at the front, as Hollinrake strolled out to the stage to introduce Kemi Badenoch , the gathered rows of Young Conservatives with their pin striped suits and psychopath haircuts looked like they might cry with happiness. Badenoch with the party faithful The Times photographer Richard Pohle It was slightly odd that after this aggressively choreographed Archbishop of Banterbury-style entrance, Hollinrake’s very first words were to acknowledge that today was the third anniversary of the October 7 massacre in Israel. It was only a temporary diversion. Top stories 1 George Clooney, newly French, plans Italian restaurant in Provence Europe 2 How American billionaires are shaping the future of warfare Technology 3 New The key takeaways from Kemi Badenoch’s conference speech Politics 4 Reform UK clears its own advisers over Channel 4 donations sting Politics 5 Norwegian princess and shaman husband sue inner circle for m Europe It did not take him long before he was reaching his left hand down to the corner of the lectern and raising to his lips a previously unseen pint of warm ale and an aide appeared stage left with an actual black labrador. That really happened. Advertisement Hollinrake smiled. By this point I had been in the auditorium for well over an hour and the stage prop pint must have been waiting for at least as long as I had, probably significantly longer. When he eventually left the stage he took another great gulp and carried his pint of very stale beer off with him. The time was 10.23am. Kevin Hollinrake with a pint of beer and his black labrador Ian Forsyth/Getty Images Backstage, the steady cam was steadying. To close the conference Badenoch emerged in what has suddenly become customary fashion, by being broadcast on the big screens walking on to the stage. Her face was a mask of unqualified delight. Hope defines the Conservative conference — with Kemi Badenoch the unifying force Not that long ago Badenoch had a reputation as a bit of a street fighter. These days she purrs with the soft menace of a tiger. No one — not least, one suspects, herself — thought she would be here, queen of all she sees, vanquisher of all foes. If you are prepared to overlook the fact that, on polling terms, the Conservative party is still about as unpopular as it has ever been — and you might as well overlook it because goodness knows they certainly are — then this is a party that has never been more united, never been happier. Top stories 1 New The key takeaways from Kemi Badenoch’s conference speech Politics 2 New Southampton’s Tonda Eckert escapes ban for ‘Spygate’ scandal Football 3 Cristiano Ronaldo reaches new level of delusion with self-parody masterpiece Football 4 New Barclays traders’ convictions quashed after Supreme Court ruling Companies & Markets 5 Give every child a stake in Britain’s future Economics “Conference,” she told them, “there is a fight coming in British politics . A battle for the soul of this nation that goes to the very core of who we are and what country we want to be.” The battle lines were drawn a while ago but they have solidified now. The next three years will be a bitter fight over which were worse: the 1970s or the 1980s, nationalisation or privatisation. It is a fair debate and articulated through Andy Burnham and Badenoch, who are the best two leaders their parties have had in a long time, there is a reasonable chance it might even be worth listening to. Advertisement “Spending money we don’t have on things we can’t afford is not kind — it is reckless,” she told them, that being Labour’s plans for a functioning social care system, but she had some pretty colossal spending commitments of her own to announce, which we will come on to shortly. She spoke for almost an hour and never went more than 30 seconds without letting loose a soft smile. The Conservatives are now the happy place, the home of good vibes. “Let me tell you a secret about our shadow cabinet,” she said, leaning forward as she did so. “We actually like each other.” It was hard to tell if the shadow cabinet were nodding in agreement. I scanned the whole room but trying to locate the Conservative shadow cabinet is not an easy task. If they like each other then good for them. It is impressive enough they even know who each other are. What was notable about Burnham’s speech last week was that he devoted almost no time to criticising his opponents, but the Conservatives have always been the more commercially minded party. Badenoch knows people pay actual money for tickets to hear this thing and you have got to give the people what they came for. “Don’t be fooled by his fluttering eyelashes and his pork scratchings,” she said of Burnham. I have spent a while trying to work out how you can fool someone with pork scratchings but eventually you have to just move on. Her greatest vitriol was reserved for Reform. She went through their scandals one by one. Nigel Farage’s dodgy donations and Suella Braverman’s rancid comments about how you cannot be English if you are not white. Advertisement “People say ‘unite the right’,” she shouted. “Well I am not uniting with that.” On the word “that” she pointed the index finger of her left hand down to the floor beside her as if Reform were a hulking dog turd she had just discovered by the swings in a children’s playground. The audience rose as one. It was marvellous stuff. She will, over the next few years, have to make at least some effort to encourage straying Reform voters back into the Tory flock. This was possibly not the best way to do it but there will be other opportunities. The big policy announcement that had been widely signposted was on inheritance tax but no one was quite sure what. She stopped short of pledging to abolish it completely but she came fairly close. “The next Conservative government will legislate so that no one will ever have to pay inheritance tax on the family home,” she said. The standing ovation that followed was of the kind that greets an FA Cup final injury time winner. I am sure they are all very happy with themselves but this policy is quickly going to turn into a nightmare. Up and down the country there are millions of hardworking, Brexit-hating, middle-class, middle-aged people who in an uncertain world could at least be sure they would get to go their entire lives without ever voting Tory, but no inheritance tax on your parents’ home? Is she for real? What are they meant to do now? Forcing people to vote Tory is a humiliation for which the Tories might never be forgiven. It does raise one or two questions. Last year she promised to abolish stamp duty. That would make it easier for older people to downsize, which is crucial for the nation’s housing market. Why would you sell up now? Any savvy boomer with a few quid lying about would surely now upsize at the first sign of ill health. Advertisement Still, she had said there was a fight coming for the soul of the country and she really meant it. At the next election voters will face a clear choice. Do you want a social care system to look after your elderly parents? Or are you more worried about getting your grubby hands on all their unearned housing wealth? Thank god for the secret ballot. They rose as one at the end for their fourteenth standing ovation in the space of an hour and they headed for the exits to bring party conference season to a very welcome end. This has been the first time in a long time that the two main party leaders have both given speeches in which neither was at least in some way an affront to the basic human dignity of the people who have to listen to them. We have borne witness, just about, to an advert for proper politics. Long may it continue.