This bogus slavery reparations debate is really about this one thing only

As the King prepares for his visit to the Caribbean, he has been urged by the secretary general of the Commonwealth, Shirley Ayorkor Botchwey, to apologise for slavery. The “time has come” she said and, needless to say, there is talk of financial reparations as well. The King is clearly a kind and decent man but I hope he will do nothing of the sort. Why should he? He had nothing whatsoever to do with it and neither did anyone else alive in the country today.

Why is it Britain that is always singled out as criminal in chief when it comes to slavery, without any acknowledgement whatsoever that we were the ones who put an end to it all? What about all the other countries involved in the slave trade? And what about the African nations who were only too happy to sell their own people into slavery? You never hear a peep about apologies or reparations from them. No: it’s dear old Blighty who is portrayed as being uniquely evil.

I, for one, have had enough. What this is really about is envy at Britain’s huge influence and success. There is a very telling comment from Professor Hilary Beckles, the Chair of the Caribbean Community Reparations Commission, which talks about the “enrichment that slavery has presented to his [the King’s] family”, adding that the wealth he is passing on to his children and grandchildren comes from chattel slavery. Pull the other one.

This can roughly be translated as the King has a lot of money and Hilary, Shirley and co want a slice of it. They are clearly furious that Britain had such a huge impact on world history whereas countries like, say, Jamaica did not. Every single person in this country will have had forebears that were touched by the slave trade but that was 200 years ago. And if we’re talking about reparations, what about something coming towards us? It took 60 years for Britain – Britain – to shut down the slave trade, cost 5,000 British lives and was extortionately expensive, consuming two per cent of national income per year.

What about repaying a little bit of that? This explains a lot I know it’s not Meghan Markle’s fault that her father is allegedly turning out to be a wrong ‘un. But frankly, that family, with the alcoholic first wife, weird half-siblings who seem to loathe each other and Markle himself, is beginning to make the Adams family look normal. It also explains a lot. Is obesity really imperialist? Fat chance Guess what guys: obesity is imperialist.

That’s the view of a group of left-wing nutters, sorry, “activists” who appeared at a panel at Harvard, saying that weight loss jabs were tools for indoctri***nation – white beauty - and that obesity is not the cause of ill health. None of them had any scientific credentials, of course. Nice to see that Harvard is taking on Cambridge as a once-esteemed centre of academic excellence determined to trash its own name. Is there anyone left who doesn't have ADHD?

Is there anyone left in the entire country who doesn’t have some kind of “mental health” issue? Jamie Oliver’s wife Jools is the latest to pop up and say she has autism and ADHD, adding it “ruined” her existence for decades. Eh? From where I’m sitting, Jools looks to have had a pretty charmed life. She’s married to one of the good guys, who clearly adores her, has five healthy children, does not need to worry about paying the bills – we should all have such problems.

This statement comes just a couple of weeks after an official review stated that autism and ADHD are being massively over-diagnosed in this country. Frankly Jools should be counting her blessings, not whingy about her lot. Who knew cat pepple were happier? Everyone A new study from Kyoto University reveals that pet owners who spend a lot of time with their cats are happier than those who do not. Tell me about it. The sight of a feline chasing its tail makes life worth living.

To be headbutted by a cat is the very pinnacle of existence. Albert Einstein was the cleverest man in the world and he loved cats. Winston Churchill was the greatest living Englishman and he did too. Six years after she went to play with that great ball of wool in the sky, I still miss my little Mrs Peel. Apparently a strong bond between cat and owner produces feel good hormones. Who knew? I applaud mummy cover up Much derision over the fact that some museums are covering up Egyptian mummies on the grounds the individuals involved didn’t give their permission to be displayed, but for once I’m with the wokies.

Some years ago I was in Peru and saw the mummified remains of a teenage girl who had been killed about 500 years previously as a human sacrifice. It had happened high up in the Andes and so the snow and cold meant she was extremely well preserved. I felt very uncomfortable looking at that girl, if not actually intrusive: she was murdered barbarically and now had tourists gawping at her. The dead deserve respect.