I was terrified of coming out as trans - then grandad wrapped me up in a hug

I had nothing to worry about (Picture: Hannah Dingle) ‘Alexander the Great was gay, you know!’ Those truly weren’t words I was expecting from my grandad after my mum told my Greek Orthodox grandparents that I’m transgender. It was a wonderful surprise considering I had no idea how they would react – which is exactly why I asked my mum to tell them in the first place. This wasn’t because they ever treated me cruelly; they were an integral part of my childhood and raised me and my sister as much as our parents did.

My hesitation came from the unknown. I’m the first person in my family to come out as transgender and I wasn’t sure how that would be received by two religious immigrants from Cyprus. Turns out I had nothing to worry about – I was accepted unconditionally by them both. Before this, growing up in London it hadn’t really been a secret that I was LGBTQ+ even though my parents didn’t talk about it much with the extended family. I was accepted unconditionally by them (Picture: Stephan Kyriacou) I think this was partially because my mum was worried about what they might say, and partially because there didn’t seem to be much interest – so it was left unspoken.

I was always ‘boyish’, different to the girls in my family, and very queer in the way I presented. However, it was at university that I truly began to explore my gender identity, and when I realised that she/her pronouns didn’t fit right. While there was resistance initially from more traditional family members when I came out as bisexual – with some of them outright refusing to acknowledge it – everyone ended up being pretty accepting.

They would say ‘that’s just the way Steph is’. My mum took a bit longer to come around; initially she was scared for my wellbeing, as well as having to deal with some shock (Picture: Tim Markham) However, coming out as a trans felt a lot bigger. It felt more lonely – I didn’t tell anyone for quite a while once I started experimenting with wearing binders and imagining myself with different pronouns. I figured out I had been experiencing dysphoria for years but hadn’t known what to call it, and this led to both fear and excitement in my new journey.

I was 22 when I officially came out to the majority of people in my life in 2016, through a combination of texts, a Facebook post, and some scary but necessary face-to-face conversations. My sister, Nats, accepted me immediately, and my dad wasn’t shocked at all because he figured that something was up considering I had been presenting as male for years already. My sister, Nats, accepted me immediately (Picture: Stephan Kyriacou) My mum took a bit longer to come around; initially she was scared for my wellbeing, as well as having to deal with some shock.

However, she is now incredibly supportive, and that was proven when she agreed to take the burden off my shoulders and tell my grandparents herself. She shared my worries about telling my grandparents. We were frightened that they might get angry, refuse to speak to me, or even disown me. The thought was devastating, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle witnessing this in person. It was after I started testosterone in 2017 and was growing noticeable facial hair and my voice was dropping that we knew the time had come.

I was tired of keeping myself hidden and I told mum I was ready. Mum reassured me that they still loved me, and we’d have a chat when I was home (Picture: Stephan Kyriacou) We agreed I’d be out of the house for the grand reveal. So, Nats planned to take me to the cinema and lunch, while my mum prepared to visit my grandparents at home to tell them that a big – but positive – change was on the horizon. I was terrified. It was while we were sorting the lunch bill when my phone rang.

It was mum. My heart leapt into my mouth. ‘Hello?’ ‘I told them. Don’t worry, everything’s fine’, my mum said calmly from the phone. I waited for more, my stomach churning. I don’t remember her next words exactly, but mum reassured me that they still loved me, and we’d have a chat when I was home. Queer Hope & Joy Metro is sharing stories of Queer Hope & Joy, where we are centring stories that platform the vibrancy, diversity and resilience of the LGBTQ+ community.

This is running alongside LGBT Foundation's Hope Starts Here campaign, and will represent as many LGBTQ+ identities as possible, while spreading hope and joy at a time it is very much needed. Find out more about LGBT Foundation's campaign here. To submit your story of your Queer Hope & Joy send your pitches to: sharan.dhaliwal@metro.co.uk While there was a bit of surprise understandably, they mostly took it in their stride – my grandad proudly referencing queer Greek history, and my grandma pushed past her initial confusion to simply accept me as her grandson.

Walking to the front door, I was stunned when granddad strode out of the house and immediately wrapped me up in a hug. He told me he loved me, and we had a little moment before he went back inside. I was so very thankful. Then I raced to my mum to find out what exactly had transpired. She’d explained it to them in layman’s terms – Steph is transgender, his brain is a boy brain, and he will be taking medicine to help his body match up to how he feels inside.

According to mum, grandad had made his amazing Alexander the Great comment and then followed it up with: ‘Steph is still our grandchild. If anything, we love him more.’ I love telling this story because it shows that no one is ever too ‘set in their ways’ to change their mindset (Picture: Stephan Kyriacou) My grandma also accepted me right away; it took her a bit longer to adjust to my new name and pronouns, but she tried her hardest. Her dementia had developed and her brain had begun deteriorating at that point, but even when she wasn’t sure where or who she was, the one thing that stuck in her mind was my identity.

It felt special that she made an effort to correct herself when she slipped up. Sadly her health declined rapidly and she passed away in May this year, but she still used my correct pronouns and the masculine nickname they’d invented for me (Stepho) right up until she passed. Losing her was devastating for me and my family, but I will always be so grateful for her unwavering love and acceptance. I love telling this story because it shows that no one is ever too ‘set in their ways’ to change their mindset.

My grandparents are perfect examples of loving someone no matter what – I hope people are able to find comfort in knowing that, despite the hate that can often feel so loud and suffocating, there are so many people in the world who will accept and cherish us for being our true selves. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. Share your views in the comments below.